GOODBYE 16 // HELLO 17

As of November 1, I am officially 17. 

I can't even believe it myself. How? How did everything fly by so fast? I'm still living. I'm still breathing. And..

Oh! How I want to return to those past days and relive my life to this moment! To fix all those stupid mistakes I've made, treasure the "right now" moments more, and fully understand that life, keeps going; no matter what. I'd get to 17 even without that desire to be there. I wish I'd known better. 

But if there would only be one thing I've learned from all those years, it's this: you CAN'T go back. The past is the past. 

As of November 1, I am officially 17.

I can't even believe it myself. How? How did everything fly by so fast? I'm still living. I'm still breathing. And..

it's beautiful.

Please excuse my childish face. I am still not allowed to try free food samples when I don't have my parents close by. *disappointed head shaking*

psst.. pssstt.. guys..
i have a couple more ideas for posts coming soon..
including school, life, fears, and lessons..
stay tuned?

THE FACTS OF HATE

i hate the fact that we can never be secure about our safety.
i hate the fact that i'm insecure about myself.
i sometimes hate the fact that i'm not like other girls.
i hate the fact that i can't feel comfortable not being in a skirt.
i hate the fact that i'm almost never comfortable around people..
even my own family
i hate the fact that i always feel like i made a mistake
and whenever people start laughing, i always wonder if i'm the one they're laughing at.
i hate pretending everything is good when everything is not
and i hate feeling bad when others have it worse.
i hate the fact that i complain.
i hate the fact that i back down on my promises.
i hate that i can't help but keep falling down
and sometimes, not even trying or wanting to get back up.
i hate the fact that even mild jokes about me or my weight hurt me.
i wish they didn't. it's not like i should care, right?
i hate the fact that i feel fat
and the fact that i don't do anything to feel better.
i hate the fact that everyone's too busy or tired to do something..
and that i'm like that too.
i hate the fact that i don't learn from my mistakes.
i hate the fact that i'm too trusting.
i hate the fact that i waste my time doing nothing when i could've done so much.
i hate the fact that i don't have any true friends.
i hate the fact that even though frankness is the way too go,
no one wants to hear it and neither do i.
i hate the fact that i get irritated when shown my faults.
i hate the fact that i'm lazy.

i hate the fact that there are more of these facts that I hate..

and i hate the fact that even though i hate all these facts

i don't do anything to change them.

QUICKIE POST

GUYZZZ...

this is getting completely messed up..

even the photos from my old posts won't show up.

I guess it all sinks down to the point that I changed admins, but still this is very sad and frustrating. I'm very disappointed. Oh 🐳..

Well, on a lighter note, I made a new page THE BUCKET which is basically a bucket list of sorts. I have only one up there right now because I forgot most of them already, but that would be totally sweet if you left a couple of YOUR ideas for a bucketlist ☺

Also, if you have any ideas for topics you would like to see on here or anything similar,

please don't hesitate to comment because honestly that really makes my day and stuff:)

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

please bear with me while I set up all this inconveniences☻


btw, follow me: 
IG: nameisayiram
twenty20: mazik

TIME MACHINE?! // NOMINATION #2

  I've never yet tried to align the text to the left on the this blog yet, so why not try it now? I'm feeling like doing something different no matter how small and insignificant it is right now.. hashtag rebel.

Just kidding ☺

Oh, stars and earth particles! I just learned how to make these keyboard emoji's!!! ☺♥☻

See.. you learn something new everyday when you choose to go the other way. *intelligent and inspiring life motivation right here*

-//-

  You might have noticed me gone from the blogger world. I, have been working on a teleporting machine and it somehow magically transported me to the wonderful state of Washington. #iwish No, but really, I've been in Washington for almost a week and a half and when I came home, we had to get ready for our church camp. I was, as a matter of fact, writing a post the day we were leaving to Washington but I had drop it because.. we were.. leaving. So I sorta have a valid excuse. Sorta.

It was fun. It was great. It was okay. I liked it. 

  No, but seriously, it was great. It all happened quite unexpectedly in the way that I had no clue whether I was going to Washington for sure till almost the last minuet. I was pretty excited to go adventuring and do something somewhere else. There wasn't really any adventuring, but I like to think there was. From this trip, I have gained many lessons in and about life and made several mental notes about changing myself. I should write them down so I wouldn't forget + they might also make a very interesting future post.. hmmmm. 

love you a Washingtooooooon..
Did I just make a pun?!?! NO WaYYY...
#nopunintended #butimlovingit

  I took this trip with my sister and her family and right before we left, I became sick to my stomach. Literally. For some reason, I started to have stomach pains. Maybe it the bacon I ate that morning, or maybe it was that I was so nervous. Because, you know, what if something happens to you or your family and then you'll never see them again or something? I prefer to die with my family around me, to be honest. But anyway, we had quite the time driving 27? 28? hours all the there. By the way, anyone living in Montana is SO lucky! The nature is just beautiful over there. If I get a travel buddy in the future, I'd definitely go exploring there a.s.a.p. I really enjoyed the time there spent camping in Idaho, swimming in amazingly clear lakes, waking up to bonfires, meeting new friends, selling firewood to fellow campers, and just joyfully living life. The only thing I'm quite sorry about was the fact that we only spent half a Sunday afternoon is the little tiny town of Walla Walla. It's just a small town but it has it's own lovely and unique tone about it. I know quite a few people there and hoped to hang out with them but fate and everything else was against us. *sad smiley face* But I promise to come back..

calm and collected.. 

 hah, NO.

more like

☻

-

I said I would return with another tagged nomination.. here it goes..

Annd.. I can't do it. The last week, something really uncomfortable happened so that I had to change my email. It's no longer lifeasmariya@gmail.com but nameisayiram@gmail.com. I'm pretty mad myself so please don't judge me. I'm just completely mad at the whole situation as well. Anyway, long story short, because I changed my email, I had to change my blogger admin or something similar and now all the people I followed before on blogger have disappeared and I can't follow anyone now? WHATT??? If anybody has a clue to what might be going on, I beg you, please help me!

THE RETURN // NOMINATION #1

I have returned. It took awhile, I know, and I wish I had some pretty excusable excuses; unfortunately, there aren't that many. But we won't dwell on the past..

Yup. His face speaks of true pain. I cannot stop watching it over and over. 

My laptop came back - still with no name - and I did, I promise you I did, have many really interesting topics and subjects on which I wanted to write about. And then I forgot one of the key rule thingy I wanted to point out on the most important subject. The whole many weeks before, I kept walking around imaging my "article" thing and how to write it and beautify it - alert, alert, key word here - and all that jazz. And having it just slip out like that is really almost impolite.
*throwing the blame around like confetti here*

But really, it has been slightly crazy here. I had to take an ACT test on the 13th. I need to make a 24 on it so I can get into college early, but I don't think that's happening. I'm lucky if it's 22. IF. As if. Yeah. And the kidos left awhile back with the birthing going all right, thankfully.
Right now I'm staying over at my sister's house. We planned to go swimming tomorrow on my niece's birthday, but the lady whose house we were supposed to go just gave birth. How great is that? But I also really wanted to go swimming. I haven't been swimming for three years now and I really miss it. I'm glad the little guy is finally here, though:)

What's been going with you guys lately?

-

I am seriously so happy that I made the decision of becoming a blogger. I was bored and I wanted to do something that none of my friends or family knew about. I wanted to do something different, something new. And I did it. And now I have friends and a family whose kindness and friendship I'll honestly never forget. I love you guys!

Now this really lovely person I call my blogger friend, Paige from Sunday Best and All the Rest, tagged me in the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

 Thank you so much Paige! It has been one of my dreams to be tagged in some type of an award! (I was also nominated in another award so that's coming soon!! Eeep!!)
Here it goes:

rules: 

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site. 
2. Put the Award logo on your blog. 
3. Answer the ten questions sent to you. 
4. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer. 
5. Nominate ten blogs.*
I'm afraid that I cannot nominate so many due to, just, things..?


 questions // answers:

1. Have you ever been in a choir or other singing group? I actually have and still do. When I was a little kid in my old church I used to go to the kid's choir.. good memories. And in my new church I used to sing with four other girls my age. Now I sometimes sing with the youth choir. 

2. Do you have any strange or unusual talents (e.g. wiggling ears, yodeling)? Not to my knowledge. Now I'm asking everyone I know if I have any XD I'm learning to raise my left eyebrow.. does that count as a talent?? But my niece can lick her elbow..

3. Do you find wombats cute and cuddly? YES!!! I want one nowwww!!!!!!!!! Someone buy me a wombat please.........

how can you not find them all cute and cuddly..?

4. What was the last song you heard? I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast... usually..

5. What were you very happy to accomplish last year? Uhhh... I don't... know??

6. What do you hope to accomplish this year? To get into college; learn a lot of piano techniques; get into better physical shape; improve my photography skills; and just improve myself and who I am.

7. Given the choice, would you rather have someone over for dinner tomorrow or go to someone else's house for dinner? It really depends but I'd go with dinner at someone's house. But only if they cook very good.. (or is it well?)

8.  If you could be a pen-pal or e-pal with someone from any nation, what country would you choose (it can't be a country in which you already have a friend)? Russia for sure, but I also would love Australia or Austria!! 

9. What is one thing you disliked doing as a child and now enjoy doing as a teen or adult? Definitely sleeping, and eating vegetables - yuuumm, and sometimes being left alone. I also love getting clothes as gifts; I remember hating that.. 

10. Has blogging changed you as a person? If so, how? Can't really say it has changed me, but I love feeling and knowing that someone somewhere reads my stuff and appreciates it(?). Love the little fluttery thingy when someone hopes you feel better or just really anything.. it's like you really mean something. Doesn't matter what prompted them to write, it's that they actually took the time to write.  

 

my questions:

1. If you were asked to speak to a graduating class, what would you say?

 2. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

3. Would you rather visit a lush forest or a beautiful desert?

4. Have you ever been in a newspaper?

5. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature what new animal would you create?

6. If you could ask your future self one question what would it be?

7. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

8. What's the next thing you would like to learn or master. 

9. What historical figure would you love to see in 21st century life?

10. What do you love the most about blogging?

my nominees:

Phoebe at life with Phoebs

Olivia at Life as a Young Lady

Christine at Everything is Blogsome

Olivia at summer of 1999

Maiya at Wispy and Willowy
Hannah at Grace in Everything

if you guys have already done this award then I guess feel free to do whatever you want, no pressure :)

p.s. I'll be doing another nomination soon, too:)

p.s.s. Thank you guys for EVERYTHING!!