OHH YES. OHH NO.

Hello!!!

I HAVE MISSED THIS HOMEY BLOGGER WORLD!!!

I see many of you have kept up your amazing selves and wrote posts upon posts upon POSTS,

while I have done... nothing..?

Well, that's slightly true. But then, life has been throwing me around - quite literally - and slamming me against brick walls, concrete pavements, and possibly trying to drown me in homework. I have to admit, most of it is my fault, but it's still very painful. When I fall down, I pick myself up, only to be tripped once more into the same emotional mess I came out of. (oh no, did I just say emotions?!?)

Yeah, it's been a pretty crazy ride. 

*whispering* "it's still not over. this is only the beginning"

*high pitched scream from somewhere in the background*

But really, everything's going just dandy. 

I'm now in college.

We're moving.

I want to buy a pet pygmy goat.

I have a new crush.

But there's something else I wanted to mention. 

I want to try making a video for you guys, annnd well, also for me. I want to experience and see how it goes. Maybe post it on youtube for easier access. But I don't want people I know personally to see it, though. IT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING!!! Especially the first one. But I feel as though you guys won't judge and will love me still, even though I'm such a weirdo and yah...

PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT YOU GUYS THINK!

and what you want to see

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE 

I want to do some guest posts, interview with as much as possible with you guys. I am running out of ideas what to write and I love asking people questions. So, if you are interested in doing that, PLEASE, let me know. 

CHIO..

and beautiful citizen of my blog *blowing kiss*

*LIGHT BULB FLASHING*

i shall call you citizens and you shall be my citizens 

***

GOODBYE 16 // HELLO 17

As of November 1, I am officially 17. 

I can't even believe it myself. How? How did everything fly by so fast? I'm still living. I'm still breathing. And..

Oh! How I want to return to those past days and relive my life to this moment! To fix all those stupid mistakes I've made, treasure the "right now" moments more, and fully understand that life, keeps going; no matter what. I'd get to 17 even without that desire to be there. I wish I'd known better. 

But if there would only be one thing I've learned from all those years, it's this: you CAN'T go back. The past is the past. 

As of November 1, I am officially 17.

I can't even believe it myself. How? How did everything fly by so fast? I'm still living. I'm still breathing. And..

it's beautiful.

Please excuse my childish face. I am still not allowed to try free food samples when I don't have my parents close by. *disappointed head shaking*

psst.. pssstt.. guys..
i have a couple more ideas for posts coming soon..
including school, life, fears, and lessons..
stay tuned?

THE FACTS OF HATE

i hate the fact that we can never be secure about our safety.
i hate the fact that i'm insecure about myself.
i sometimes hate the fact that i'm not like other girls.
i hate the fact that i can't feel comfortable not being in a skirt.
i hate the fact that i'm almost never comfortable around people..
even my own family
i hate the fact that i always feel like i made a mistake
and whenever people start laughing, i always wonder if i'm the one they're laughing at.
i hate pretending everything is good when everything is not
and i hate feeling bad when others have it worse.
i hate the fact that i complain.
i hate the fact that i back down on my promises.
i hate that i can't help but keep falling down
and sometimes, not even trying or wanting to get back up.
i hate the fact that even mild jokes about me or my weight hurt me.
i wish they didn't. it's not like i should care, right?
i hate the fact that i feel fat
and the fact that i don't do anything to feel better.
i hate the fact that everyone's too busy or tired to do something..
and that i'm like that too.
i hate the fact that i don't learn from my mistakes.
i hate the fact that i'm too trusting.
i hate the fact that i waste my time doing nothing when i could've done so much.
i hate the fact that i don't have any true friends.
i hate the fact that even though frankness is the way too go,
no one wants to hear it and neither do i.
i hate the fact that i get irritated when shown my faults.
i hate the fact that i'm lazy.

i hate the fact that there are more of these facts that I hate..

and i hate the fact that even though i hate all these facts

i don't do anything to change them.

QUICKIE POST

GUYZZZ...

this is getting completely messed up..

even the photos from my old posts won't show up.

I guess it all sinks down to the point that I changed admins, but still this is very sad and frustrating. I'm very disappointed. Oh 🐳..

Well, on a lighter note, I made a new page THE BUCKET which is basically a bucket list of sorts. I have only one up there right now because I forgot most of them already, but that would be totally sweet if you left a couple of YOUR ideas for a bucketlist ☺

Also, if you have any ideas for topics you would like to see on here or anything similar,

please don't hesitate to comment because honestly that really makes my day and stuff:)

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

please bear with me while I set up all this inconveniences☻


btw, follow me: 
IG: nameisayiram
twenty20: mazik

TIME MACHINE?! // NOMINATION #2

  I've never yet tried to align the text to the left on the this blog yet, so why not try it now? I'm feeling like doing something different no matter how small and insignificant it is right now.. hashtag rebel.

Just kidding ☺

Oh, stars and earth particles! I just learned how to make these keyboard emoji's!!! ☺♥☻

See.. you learn something new everyday when you choose to go the other way. *intelligent and inspiring life motivation right here*

-//-

  You might have noticed me gone from the blogger world. I, have been working on a teleporting machine and it somehow magically transported me to the wonderful state of Washington. #iwish No, but really, I've been in Washington for almost a week and a half and when I came home, we had to get ready for our church camp. I was, as a matter of fact, writing a post the day we were leaving to Washington but I had drop it because.. we were.. leaving. So I sorta have a valid excuse. Sorta.

It was fun. It was great. It was okay. I liked it. 

  No, but seriously, it was great. It all happened quite unexpectedly in the way that I had no clue whether I was going to Washington for sure till almost the last minuet. I was pretty excited to go adventuring and do something somewhere else. There wasn't really any adventuring, but I like to think there was. From this trip, I have gained many lessons in and about life and made several mental notes about changing myself. I should write them down so I wouldn't forget + they might also make a very interesting future post.. hmmmm. 

love you a Washingtooooooon..
Did I just make a pun?!?! NO WaYYY...
#nopunintended #butimlovingit

  I took this trip with my sister and her family and right before we left, I became sick to my stomach. Literally. For some reason, I started to have stomach pains. Maybe it the bacon I ate that morning, or maybe it was that I was so nervous. Because, you know, what if something happens to you or your family and then you'll never see them again or something? I prefer to die with my family around me, to be honest. But anyway, we had quite the time driving 27? 28? hours all the there. By the way, anyone living in Montana is SO lucky! The nature is just beautiful over there. If I get a travel buddy in the future, I'd definitely go exploring there a.s.a.p. I really enjoyed the time there spent camping in Idaho, swimming in amazingly clear lakes, waking up to bonfires, meeting new friends, selling firewood to fellow campers, and just joyfully living life. The only thing I'm quite sorry about was the fact that we only spent half a Sunday afternoon is the little tiny town of Walla Walla. It's just a small town but it has it's own lovely and unique tone about it. I know quite a few people there and hoped to hang out with them but fate and everything else was against us. *sad smiley face* But I promise to come back..

calm and collected.. 

 hah, NO.

more like

☻

-

I said I would return with another tagged nomination.. here it goes..

Annd.. I can't do it. The last week, something really uncomfortable happened so that I had to change my email. It's no longer lifeasmariya@gmail.com but nameisayiram@gmail.com. I'm pretty mad myself so please don't judge me. I'm just completely mad at the whole situation as well. Anyway, long story short, because I changed my email, I had to change my blogger admin or something similar and now all the people I followed before on blogger have disappeared and I can't follow anyone now? WHATT??? If anybody has a clue to what might be going on, I beg you, please help me!